Afternoon meltdowns... What now?

Since starting preschool, D has been experiencing increased anxiety and meltdowns in the afternoon. Preschool is a busy, stimulating and work-filled environment, so it isn't really a surprise to me. What is surprising is that none of our tried and true methods for calming his over-stimulated nerves are working, in fact they are making things worse.

Here I am, every morning, fighting his tears and trying to pretend that I'm not sad too. He is having preschool anxiety and so am I, and I have no idea what to do about it. 

Right now, I feel like this school is the best place for him to be. He needs the social practice with adults and with kids his own age. He needs the practice with writing, colors, his letters, and everything else cognitive related. He also needs the occupational therapy and speech therapy which he is hopefully going to be approved to get as well. Right now he is less than 50% understandable to most strangers. Not like that's so horrible. Some kids don't even really speak and they're his age or older. There are a few I have seen in this situation, so I'm not really making a comparison to other kids.

I'm just saying, he could be better and he needs this school to help him get there. As much as he loves me and loves to be at home, we were about to kill each other. He needs variety and room to move and things to be constantly changing and stimulating him in exciting ways. Even if I was Super-Mom and had a magical Mary Poppins-style bag with endless games and things in it to keep him occupied, I still would not be able to meet all of his needs here at home. That's why he needs the school.  

On a side note: How awesome would that bag be to have?! And I would also like to be able to snap my fingers and clean everything up when we were through.


I know he enjoys school because he tells me all about it when I pick him up in the afternoon. I bring him a "special treat" as a reward for being such a brave boy and going to school when he didn't want to. It's usually a package of fruit snacks or a juice box, but it's just enough. He tells me all about his fun day at school and I feel pretty good about it. 

Then we get home ... and our afternoon takes a turn for the screaming, crying, sobbing, epic meltdown of yesteryear. Oh yes, hello Captain Freakout. I thought we'd seen the last of you.


This brings up a few questions: If D is doing so well at school, why is he having such a hard time 1) leaving in the morning? and 2) regulating once he is home? What am I supposed to do about this? How can our family possibly function with D so upset that he is literally crying, screaming and throwing an all-out fit for nearly 3 hours every day after school.?

The answer is eluding me. I keep thinking it's somehow just lurking in a corner and all I have to do is look at something from a different angle or just keep trying until I find the solution, but how much longer can the rest of us survive these hours of terror? What am I supposed to do?

I took a video of only 17 minutes of one of these meltdowns where for the majority of the time he was in obvious high-irritation from sensory overload. That's only a fraction of the entire length of that meltdown... the full thing lasted over an hour.

He responds well to some things sometimes, but then the next time you try that thing, it's literally like torture. He actually cries at you and screams like he's in pain and is saying "Owie! Owie! That hurts!" 


This isn't really a cry for advice, although if someone holds the magic key, then please, by all means, share! D has only responded well to changes in our afternoon routine of staying home for some "relax time." He has spent time in his own, or mine and Daddy's room, alone, where he cries, screams and otherwise throws his fit, but at least he's away from the family and whatever stimulation is bothering him most, namely everything!


What I wouldn't give to know exactly how I can help him! It is beyond frustrating. At times it's heartbreaking. I'm his mother and I should be able to know what he needs and know what to do for him. But this time, Mommy can't just make things right with a sticky bandage and a kiss. It's hard not to feel a little guilty.

Chicken Fingers

Little D loves his chicken nuggets. They’re almost sacred to him. Well, yesterday we decided to go to our local (and not so authentic) Mexican restaurant. I mean, really, how authentic can it be here in the middle of the deep South USA??

Anyway, We ordered our food and Little D, acting on inspiration from “Agent Oso,” decided to order his own meal. He did so well! His garbled message came out “I want to eat chicken nuggets and French fries all GONE!” It was pretty clear to me, but the waitress had no idea what he had said. I was just beaming that he tried and did his best! Who cares if it wasn’t perfect!

Then that got me thinking… Why don’t I care if Little D is perfect, but I put myself through the ringer if I get one thing slightly wrong? What is the difference between my expectations and elation for Little D’s many accomplishments and my almost constant (okay, it’s not that bad) thought process about myself that I’m somehow failing, not good enough, never will be, etc. etc. (Alright…. It’s pretty bad.)

What’s worse is, I’m the only one who sees myself this way. My husband acknowledges my faults and gently tries to guide me in the right direction. My friends seem to ignore my faults all together. I’m horrible at calling or even texting to keep in touch and they still love me. Over the summer I blew off (by accident and forgetfulness) one dear friend almost 7 times in a row and she still wants to be my friend. (Although, I’m not entirely sure why… see! I can’t even tell this story without beating myself up over it!) Not to mention my parents, who it seems could not be more proud that I’m their daughter. So, so many others who have pitched in, helped out, been there for me because at some point I was there for them… and still I think I’m not a good friend/mother/wife/sister/aunt/teacher etc.

Well… I’m here to put myself in time-out. Time out from the beatings, the shameful feelings… the disappointment. I’m not in this life to be perfect, I’m in this life to enjoy it, to love people and be loved in return, which as we know is “The greatest thing you'll ever learn…” (Eden Ahbez, "Nature Boy,” 1948, from http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Love).

So to remind myself, and anyone else who might read this, that it’s ok to fail once in a while… even 7 times in a row, I wrote this blog entry. Here’s a list of other people who failed and didn’t give up… eventually they succeeded or we wouldn’t know who they were, much less care about it. These are a few that I care about most… for sentimental reasons:

Henry Ford: He invented the assembly line, American-made cars and was a very successful businessman. But, did you know that his first business failed and he was broke five times before he found success in the Ford Motor Company

Bill Gates: A Harvard drop-out and failed businessman – that is, until he came up with Microsoft and … the rest is present … I’m writing on a Windows powered PC. Thanks, Bill.

Ludwig van Beethoven: He overcame his father, his musical superiors, and people who said he would never succeed with either the violin or composing. At least once a week, maybe more, we all hear Beethoven’s famous 9th symphony played as background music to a commercial, movie or other video media. His music is triumphant, much like his life. And oh yeah… did I mention he wrote most of his successful symphonies after he was completely deaf?

Albert Einstein: He holds a special place in my heart because, like my son, he had a delay of speech, and didn’t read until he was 7 years old. People around him thought he was mentally handicapped and anti-social. (Sounds like high-functioning ASD or Asperger’s to me, but I digress). He got kicked out of school and other schools wouldn’t take him in. However, now we all know E=MC2 and his Nobel Prize pretty much says the rest.

Sir Isaac Newton: Brilliant scholar, ground-breaking researcher… the man was, in a word, GENIUS. However, when it came to the family farm, he failed. … Thank goodness! After he messed things up pretty bad at home, he was shipped off to Cambridge… now Gravity is a law and there are all kinds of things related to it that wouldn’t have happened were it not for his black thumb.

Thomas Edison: If I could go back in time and meet any inventor, Thomas would be the man I’d wanna meet. Not because he was especially sociable. In fact, he was so hard-working that he isolated himself from many friends… but his constants stayed around. Teachers told him he was stupid and wouldn’t learn a thing. He made 1,000 failed light bulbs before he came up with one that worked. Talk about PERSISTENCE!

Abraham Lincoln: We all recognize him as probably the greatest president our country has ever seen, but did you know that he went to war as a captain and came home a private? (That’s several demotions in a row, people). Also, did you know he lost one election for the presidency before he won? He also ran for a number of other offices which he lost, but he didn’t give up. Oh yeah… he also failed as a businessman too. Some hero!!

Oprah Winfrey: Well, you’re either celebrating or cringing, but let’s just all agree that when it comes to girl power, no one really has it like Oprah. She had a hard childhood, was abused and failed at her career. She was told she was “unfit for tv.” Well, not according to America!

Fred Astaire: Another man I’d like to have met. His name is almost synonymous with great dancing – eat your heart out, Dancing with the Stars! He was told after his first audition that he would never make it as an actor, a singer or a dancer. Well, 76 years in film later and 38 musical films under his belt sure showed that first casting director, eh? As a side, Fred kept the hand-written note from the casting director, “Can't act. Can't sing. Slightly bald. Can dance a little." in his home to remind him how far he’d come

Lucille Ball: Best known for her role on I Love Lucy, this powerhouse diva had 13 Emmy nominations and won 4 times! She also earned herself the Lifetime achievement award from the Kennedy Center Honors. The failures, of course, came before her role on the loved TV show. She was considered a failed actress and disappointed all of her drama professors. Take that, doubters!

Marilyn Monroe: Finally, and not because I love her least, I included this buxom blonde. She was so sexy in her day and was a pin-up to end all pin-up girls’ careers. She also sang, acted and danced. She was told by modeling agents that she should be a secretary instead, how wrong were they! Oh, and did I mention my favorite part? This woman was no size 2, she was probably closer to today’s size 14!

Source: http://www.onlinecollege.org/2010/02/16/50-famously-successful-people-who-failed-at-first/