Come on, people! Be Thankful!

"The Pilgrims made seven times more graves than huts. No Americans have been more impoverished than these who, nevertheless, set aside a day of thanksgiving." ~H.U. Westermayer

It's that time of year again, and I'm ready to make my post out to let ya'll know for what I am most grateful.

First and foremost, I'm thankful for my life. It's not perfect, far from it, in my opinion, but since when is perfection a requirement for finding happiness in your life? Since never, that's when!

Second, I'm grateful to be a member of my church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. This church has given me so much to be thankful for: the knowledge of a loving Savior who suffered and died for me; the knowledge of a loving Father in Heaven who is aware of me and my needs. This church has also given me friends in strange places and a reason to get up on Sunday mornings. It has given me a modern-day Prophet, Thomas S. Monson, whose wise counsel has given my life meaning and direction at times when I felt most lost. All in all, the Church is so much in my life, that it is part of who I am. I can't have life without it.

"We can lift ourselves and others as well when we refuse to remain in the realm of negative thought and cultivate within our hearts an attitude of gratitude. If ingratitude be numbered among the serious sins, then gratitude takes its place among the noblest of virtues. Someone has said that 'gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others.'" ~ Thomas S. Monson, President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

From our engagement photos. We were so young... and thin.

Thirdly, and this is a no-brainer. I'm so grateful for my family! My husband is amazingly loving and supportive and gives me so much grief ... uh... I mean, love and reason to be happy with life. He puts up with my tears and holds me when I'm falling apart, which, I'm an emotional being, so that happens a lot! He has seen me at my highest high and my lowest low and I am so grateful for his continued love in my life.

About 9 months pregnant with Daniel.

My kids are obviously on this list as well. I can't believe how fast the time has flown. They were so little not so long ago. I'm glad I have been able to enjoy all the little moments with them along the way. That's what life is all about, isn't it?

Post breast-fed coma. Love that!

I wouldn't change my life for the world! These kids, my husband, my knowledge of who I am and what I can accomplish... this is what gives my life meaning. 

Certain times of the year, it's just necessary to reflect on the things that are most important in life, the things that make us grateful to be who we are. I hope you enjoyed my abbreviated, blog-worthy version. Now make your own! There's really nothing that will make you so happy as being grateful for what you have!

Afternoon meltdowns... What now?

Since starting preschool, D has been experiencing increased anxiety and meltdowns in the afternoon. Preschool is a busy, stimulating and work-filled environment, so it isn't really a surprise to me. What is surprising is that none of our tried and true methods for calming his over-stimulated nerves are working, in fact they are making things worse.

Here I am, every morning, fighting his tears and trying to pretend that I'm not sad too. He is having preschool anxiety and so am I, and I have no idea what to do about it. 

Right now, I feel like this school is the best place for him to be. He needs the social practice with adults and with kids his own age. He needs the practice with writing, colors, his letters, and everything else cognitive related. He also needs the occupational therapy and speech therapy which he is hopefully going to be approved to get as well. Right now he is less than 50% understandable to most strangers. Not like that's so horrible. Some kids don't even really speak and they're his age or older. There are a few I have seen in this situation, so I'm not really making a comparison to other kids.

I'm just saying, he could be better and he needs this school to help him get there. As much as he loves me and loves to be at home, we were about to kill each other. He needs variety and room to move and things to be constantly changing and stimulating him in exciting ways. Even if I was Super-Mom and had a magical Mary Poppins-style bag with endless games and things in it to keep him occupied, I still would not be able to meet all of his needs here at home. That's why he needs the school.  

On a side note: How awesome would that bag be to have?! And I would also like to be able to snap my fingers and clean everything up when we were through.


I know he enjoys school because he tells me all about it when I pick him up in the afternoon. I bring him a "special treat" as a reward for being such a brave boy and going to school when he didn't want to. It's usually a package of fruit snacks or a juice box, but it's just enough. He tells me all about his fun day at school and I feel pretty good about it. 

Then we get home ... and our afternoon takes a turn for the screaming, crying, sobbing, epic meltdown of yesteryear. Oh yes, hello Captain Freakout. I thought we'd seen the last of you.


This brings up a few questions: If D is doing so well at school, why is he having such a hard time 1) leaving in the morning? and 2) regulating once he is home? What am I supposed to do about this? How can our family possibly function with D so upset that he is literally crying, screaming and throwing an all-out fit for nearly 3 hours every day after school.?

The answer is eluding me. I keep thinking it's somehow just lurking in a corner and all I have to do is look at something from a different angle or just keep trying until I find the solution, but how much longer can the rest of us survive these hours of terror? What am I supposed to do?

I took a video of only 17 minutes of one of these meltdowns where for the majority of the time he was in obvious high-irritation from sensory overload. That's only a fraction of the entire length of that meltdown... the full thing lasted over an hour.

He responds well to some things sometimes, but then the next time you try that thing, it's literally like torture. He actually cries at you and screams like he's in pain and is saying "Owie! Owie! That hurts!" 


This isn't really a cry for advice, although if someone holds the magic key, then please, by all means, share! D has only responded well to changes in our afternoon routine of staying home for some "relax time." He has spent time in his own, or mine and Daddy's room, alone, where he cries, screams and otherwise throws his fit, but at least he's away from the family and whatever stimulation is bothering him most, namely everything!


What I wouldn't give to know exactly how I can help him! It is beyond frustrating. At times it's heartbreaking. I'm his mother and I should be able to know what he needs and know what to do for him. But this time, Mommy can't just make things right with a sticky bandage and a kiss. It's hard not to feel a little guilty.

Call me Mommy

There are special moments that really make me proud to be a mother. One such moment happened while putting my Little D to sleep. Let me lay it out for you.

D and I lay down together on his bed. We get tucked in and sing songs. Sometimes we tell each other stories "Once upon a time, a little boy named... D!" or sometimes it's "named Monster!" Since Halloween, D can't really pull himself off of costumes, Halloween parties and monsters. We keep this nighttime routine the same, or as similar as we can. D doesn't deal with change very well. It takes him a while to adjust to something new in his life, like Preschool, but that's a story for another post.

D about a year ago. Love this boy.

 

So most nights, D and I argue a little. He's tired. He refuses naps, even at school and by the time bedtime rolls around we're already in near-constant meltdown mode. Not a fun mode to be in. But there are nights, like the particular night I'm going to tell you about next, when he is simply put, angelic. Nights like this I can only think how wonderful it is to be a mother, especially to be a mother to my sensational boy. He really is amazing. He knows just what to  say when I'm getting stressed out, "Ok, Mommy, take a deep breath ... now, hold yourself ... and Relaaaaaxxx." He knows what to say when I'm feeling sad, "It's alright to be sad, Mommy. It's okay to be sad sometimes." He gives kisses and hugs and loves to sit on my lap and tell me stories about the monster who loves to eat chocolate. 

How did I get this lucky? This blessed? I am so grateful for my little boy. Now, enjoy the short story of one bright moment that has made me feel so proud to be a mommy.

We often sing songs while getting D to sleep, and I decided to sing him this one: "I love you Daniel, oh yes I do. I don't love anyone, as much as you. When you're not near me, I'm blue, Oh Daniel I love you." He then said to me. "Oh Mommy, Kank you. That song make me soOOOOoooo happy." Then he decided to sing the song back to me: "I love you Mommy, love you Mommy. Make me red and pink, Love you Mommy." 

He then proceeded to tell me "that song so perfect Mommy. I love you."

Call me crazy, but there is nothing so sweet as that kind of payout. Being a Mommy is full-time year-round, no-days-off hard work, but when you consider the chunk payouts of love, is there really any reason not to be a mother? I submit that there is NOT! Being a mother is the best job on earth. Really!! I think I'll have 6 more! ... hmmm ... well. Maybe we'll just see how things go. I always try to take life one day at a time... I guess I have to take it one child at a time too. Call me crazy for wanting more, or for only wanted a few more.... let's face it. If I really have 6 more, I'll probably go crazy before the first one leaves the house! Whatever you call me, I hope that someone in this world still calls me "Mommy."

He played so hard. He fell asleep in the middle of his toys.

 

Picnic at the Lake

We met some new friends last weekend and had a picnic at Lake Monticello. It was really nice to meet some people our age with similar interests. They are not in similar life circumstances, meaning they don't have kids, they're not married, but they're in a committed relationship and they're both college educated adults, so I'll take it!

Miss E, we'll call her, was really great to talk with. She is aware of Sensory Processing Disorder and Autism Spectrum and applauded my efforts with Little D as well as my aspirations of working with families of Special Needs kids. She recommended books by Temple Grandin, who is an AMAZING woman living with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and is a healthy, successful individual. She's a PhD. She is an expert on animal behavior and has used her first-hand knowledge of sensory challenges associated with ASD to write books and other helpful and scholarly literature. You GO girl! Her life has also been made into an inspirational HBO movie starring Claire Danes.  More information about Temple Grandin can be found here.

Anyway, I'm posting a few pictures about our little lake excursion. It was a fairly warm day, not much of a breeze. Really nice weather for November, though, I'm not sure if that's just me or if that's this part of Arkansas too. Let's just say, to me, it's not Fall until the leaves are turning and it's consistently at least 50 or below. That's not the case here, but everyone is acting like it's really cold out. It isn't, but I digress.

Little D and Em loved the lake. They collected shells and Em just about walked right out into the water. She is fearless! We also heard some blood-curdling screeches from some very large Turkey Vultures and a Heron somewhere out there. I think they were snacking on some kind of carrion. Anyway, the lake is pretty. The kids had fun at the park and playing by the lake. It was a really great day. If I was doing a creative writing blog, I might use the picture of the dock as a writing prompt. It might go something like this:


"She stepped gingerly onto the weather-worn wooden dock, eyes never leaving her mark, the end of the pier."

Oooo... spooky. You do the rest. Happy Veteran's Day and writing, and all that.

Brownies.... and Black Beans??

In my effort to disguise healthy foods, I decided to try a recipe called "Black Bean Brownies." What could be wrong with some healthy, protein filled, fibrous black beans mixed with some chocolate. Sounds like a win-win... well at least it did to me. More like a win-lose. Win first because I thought I would win. Lose because they were so disgusting I couldn't get past the bean flavor.

To be fair, I have a very discerning palate, so it's not really surprising that I couldn't stand the taste. I mean, chocolate should always be sweet and delicious, in my opinion. You should always want to lick your fingers with delight mixed with ecstasy. I mean, am I wrong in this? Chocolate should be a treat!

I got the recipe from another mom's blog site and I had already tried one recipe that was a home run, so I figured what did I have to lose? The answer: my breakfast!

See for yourself. They look pretty good. Not the best looking brownies I've ever seen, but they still look pretty yummy. Well maybe they do to you. All I see is a pile of beans deceivingly dotted with chocolate morsels.... and there goes my gag reflex.

It's not a total loss though. Little D has had a really great time making "birthday candles" by sticking Popsicle sticks into the pan. Soon I'll throw out the disappointing recipe and the brown squared things that resulted from it, but for now I'll just stare at my boy having fun and feel that twisted pang of failure.

Maybe I'll just pick out the chocolate chips before I throw it out. I can't let the best part go to waste, after all.

Working it out

Over the last few weeks while being here in the SOuth, I have discovered an unpleasant fact. ... my pants are getting tight, my "muffin top" is rising like bread dough and my heaving breaths while carrying laundry baskets across the house have gotten... HEAVE-ier.

In response to this development I first began to rationalize it away. I'm in the South! It's humid down here. I must not be drinking enough water, so my body is retaining it. Retaining water = gaining weight. Sounds simple enough and I felt good about it for a while... well only a short while.

My kids have been increasingly interested in the aforementioned "muffin top" which is uncomfortable at best. Stop poking my fat! I'm aware of it, I'd rather not be, thank you!

AFter this first rationalization fell apart, I decided it must a combination of retaining water and eating too much. The logic is lost on me with this one, but that's waht I was thinking. Eat less = less me! Well, not so.

In any case, neither of these explanations that I so creatively came up with explained my winded-ness. I thought maybe the humidity was taxing my airways and I would eventually get used to it. Well, I'm used to it now and there has been little change. In fact, with fall settling into the very wooded area that we're in, the pollen of the pine trees is in full swing, there is more dust and my airways are more irritated than before!

So, this morning I woke up with a resolve to get into shape. I already found a podcast that plays remixed songs to a nice "running" beat. Well, I'm not about to try running, but I do enjoy dancing, so dance I did! I danced and did pilates moves and push ups and sit ups. It lasted about 45 minutes because it took me that long to get the kids off of me every so often.

I feel great! I even did the dishes afterward. I think I'm going to like this. It would be nice if I could get back into a size 6, but I seriously doubt my post 2 baby body will ever do that. So, if I have to stay my current size forever, I'd at least like to be fit and healthy. I don't want to be running after my kids and collapse.

Here's to success and to finding the motivation to keep on exercising! WOO HOO!

Little D's Meltdowns

This morning began alright. Little D woke up at his usual time, just after 6. I had a horrible night with Little Sis, suffice it to say there was crying for hours, sleeping on the floor and midnight diaper changes followed by the rest of the night with her kicking my back. To top off my awful, sleepless night, Daddy was snoring (allergies) and clumsily poking my face in his sleep. You know what’s the best? … waking up to being poked in the eye. I’m used to it with my kids, but I’m new to being poked in the eye by my Husband. Good thing I love him.

Anyway, none of that is what is spawning this morning post. I made pancakes this morning and Little D threw a fit about syrup. First he wanted to eat his syrupy, sticky pancakes at the computer. No. Enter fit. We offer choices usually, but I couldn't think of any. Finally he comes to the table and wants his syrup on his pancakes. ... all of them. He wants the syrup to cover each and every bite, but there's already a puddle on the plate. Enter meltdown. I offer options to get the syrup on each bite, but it's not working. Then he threw a fit over his plate being an inch too close to me. That same meltdown has been going on for almost half an hour with no real sign of stopping. Daddy, bless him, is taking Little D to do laundry so I get a break from the madness. Woo HOO!

Little D’s behavior has been similar to what I just related, or worse for the last 2 to 3 months. Despite the plethora of online parenting advice and tips for 2 and 3-year-olds, there is an appalling lack of advice for parents with children who have developmental problems, special needs or are on the Autism Spectrum. Trust me, I’ve looked. I can find pages and pages about getting counseling, seeking diagnosis and professional help, however the simple day-to-day advice for parents is missing!

Against my better judgment, recently and in the past, I have asked friends and family for advice on how to deal with some of Little D’s less desirable behaviors, (i.e. meltdowns, flip-outs, screaming fits, hitting, punching, pinching, pushing, some of which he does to himself, which is disturbing). I have heard it all from spanking to time-outs, removal of toys and privileges (one person suggested removing his oral stimulation tools, clearly that is ill advised) or creating a star chart and removing stars when he does something unacceptable, or locking him in his room either with a key or with a baby gate.

There is something missing from all of this well-meaning advice, however. That is, these people, no matter how much they care about me or Little D, lack the knowledge that I have. They haven’t read the countless blogs from other Sensory moms, the books from experts, the journal articles, the advice from experts like Occupational Therapists and the like. These people, for all their advice, are ignorant of the fact that Little D isn’t just a normal or “spirited” little boy. He’s my boy. My special, sensory challenged, meltdown prone, special needy, sensational boy.

From now I need to remember, that I am the expert when it comes to Little D. I know more than all of those people; about Little D, about Sensory Processing Disorder, about what is “normal” for Little D or other children. I’m in my senior year of a Child Development degree, for goodness’ sake! I need to give myself a little credit!

I’ll end this post with a word about judgments. Since having Little D, I have learned so much about children and behavior. I don’t judge those moms I see at the store whose kids are screaming bloody murder, flipping around, throwing things. Why? Because half of the time, I’m that mom. Little D has changed my thinking, and I’m so grateful for it. So think twice before you judge a child who is throwing a fit, you never know who that child is, or what that parent is dealing with. Parenting is hard enough. Parenting with special needs children is rewarding, challenging and sometimes it’s enough to make you want to quit.

Arkansas ... Oh My!

Well, we've officially been in Arkansas for over a month now, and so far we are loving it. It took a couple weeks to adjust to the heat (over 100 degrees F for the first two weeks we were here) and to the humidity which has been at or close to 100% almost every day.

We live in a small two bedroom trailer in a little trailer park behind a discount grocery store, my Western readers would call it a "dollar store," except this store also has refrigerator and freezer sections. Walmart is the equivalent of the local mall, but if you want "real" mall shopping you have to drive at least an hour north to Pine Bluff. That is also where the Lowe's is.

Our town is called Monticello, like Thomas Jefferson's home, only you pronounce it "Maunt-i-SELL-uh" if you're a local. It is very much the South where we are and I feel a lot like a fish out of water, or to be more geographically appropriate, a mountain in a valley.

Right away we called our local church leader and found out that there is only a Branch, which means there are very few members of our church here. So far it looks like only about 30 people come each Sunday and that is counting all adults, teenagers and children. Thirty is probably a really good week, too, so we are not even sure how many people are members. Our small Branch covers several counties, towns and townships including part of Mississippi.

Callings ...

We have both gotten our callings and it happened pretty much right away. Needless to say, the Branch is extremely excited to have us in the area. I assumed I would be called into a musical calling, which has been a standard for my life over the past 4 plus years. However, I am in the nursery, but my official title is "Assistant in the Primary." Basically, I go and do whatever the Primary President needs me to do. I also have another calling which has been pretty intimidating for me so far. I am the Seminary teacher. I teach this year's curriculum, the Old Testament to teenagers from age 14 to 18. Most of them are 15 and is desperate need of some positive leadership, someone to be friendly and respectful and someone who can help them to learn the Gospel. I guess someone thinks that I am that person, but I still have my doubts. I didn't go on a mission, but I am a life-long member of the church and I have had teaching positions in the church before. The concern I have is when these awesome kids have questions (I got several last night) and I am not entirely sure how to answer, or find a reference for the answer that I have. So far (we have only met once) it has been really fun.

My Husband (Daddy) is the Branch Clerk, which basically means he is the bookkeeper, note taker and general "do it" guy for the Branch President and First Counselor (we don't have a Second Counselor). So he is busy on Sundays and we usually get home late, which means the kids are cranky and hungry, but we're learning to deal with it, and I'm learning to pack extra snacks!

One of the biggest adjustments has been a difference in what things are called down here.  Daddy asked the clerk at Walmart for some Otter Pops and they had no idea what he was asking for. Turns out they are called "freezer pops" here. Who knew!? Not us! There are so many things like that that I consider strange which are perfectly normal to them. I have also realized that I have to reword things that I say often so that people will understand me. I'm not sure how much of this is a difference in term definitions or vocabulary since I know I often use words that people don't know or understand.

Anyway, the only other really BIG news is that Little Sis is finally walking almost 50% of the time. Finally! She turned 18 months on Monday and she is just now deciding to take more than 5 steps at a time. She is doing so well with it now and is getting more confident and adventurous. However, if she wants to get somewhere in a hurry, she still hops down to her knees and does her little knee-walk/run. She is so funny.

Little D is moving into the next phase of his speech development... story telling. He narrates everything that happens and is starting to tell me what we're going to do, even if there is no way we're actually going to do those things. Here are his favorites ...

"Go get ice cweam cones"
"Go ... uh ... Walmart store."
"Go store get nanas."(Bananas)
"Go a park, a swide, say Weeee!"
"Go eat a FWENNDS!!" (friends)
"Watch Toy Story!!"
"Watch PeeR PAn."
"Mom, pweeze have some...
goldfish,
cackers,
cookies,
pie,
pAH-sick-ow,
ice cweeam samwich,
build a tower a bwocks."
He also likes to say prayers a lot now and it is so fun to listen to the things he thinks up to pray for like "ice cweam cones," "sissy eat a noo-nohs." (noodles). More about the FAB cross-country move coming.... soon.... ish.