Afternoon meltdowns... What now?

Since starting preschool, D has been experiencing increased anxiety and meltdowns in the afternoon. Preschool is a busy, stimulating and work-filled environment, so it isn't really a surprise to me. What is surprising is that none of our tried and true methods for calming his over-stimulated nerves are working, in fact they are making things worse.

Here I am, every morning, fighting his tears and trying to pretend that I'm not sad too. He is having preschool anxiety and so am I, and I have no idea what to do about it. 

Right now, I feel like this school is the best place for him to be. He needs the social practice with adults and with kids his own age. He needs the practice with writing, colors, his letters, and everything else cognitive related. He also needs the occupational therapy and speech therapy which he is hopefully going to be approved to get as well. Right now he is less than 50% understandable to most strangers. Not like that's so horrible. Some kids don't even really speak and they're his age or older. There are a few I have seen in this situation, so I'm not really making a comparison to other kids.

I'm just saying, he could be better and he needs this school to help him get there. As much as he loves me and loves to be at home, we were about to kill each other. He needs variety and room to move and things to be constantly changing and stimulating him in exciting ways. Even if I was Super-Mom and had a magical Mary Poppins-style bag with endless games and things in it to keep him occupied, I still would not be able to meet all of his needs here at home. That's why he needs the school.  

On a side note: How awesome would that bag be to have?! And I would also like to be able to snap my fingers and clean everything up when we were through.


I know he enjoys school because he tells me all about it when I pick him up in the afternoon. I bring him a "special treat" as a reward for being such a brave boy and going to school when he didn't want to. It's usually a package of fruit snacks or a juice box, but it's just enough. He tells me all about his fun day at school and I feel pretty good about it. 

Then we get home ... and our afternoon takes a turn for the screaming, crying, sobbing, epic meltdown of yesteryear. Oh yes, hello Captain Freakout. I thought we'd seen the last of you.


This brings up a few questions: If D is doing so well at school, why is he having such a hard time 1) leaving in the morning? and 2) regulating once he is home? What am I supposed to do about this? How can our family possibly function with D so upset that he is literally crying, screaming and throwing an all-out fit for nearly 3 hours every day after school.?

The answer is eluding me. I keep thinking it's somehow just lurking in a corner and all I have to do is look at something from a different angle or just keep trying until I find the solution, but how much longer can the rest of us survive these hours of terror? What am I supposed to do?

I took a video of only 17 minutes of one of these meltdowns where for the majority of the time he was in obvious high-irritation from sensory overload. That's only a fraction of the entire length of that meltdown... the full thing lasted over an hour.

He responds well to some things sometimes, but then the next time you try that thing, it's literally like torture. He actually cries at you and screams like he's in pain and is saying "Owie! Owie! That hurts!" 


This isn't really a cry for advice, although if someone holds the magic key, then please, by all means, share! D has only responded well to changes in our afternoon routine of staying home for some "relax time." He has spent time in his own, or mine and Daddy's room, alone, where he cries, screams and otherwise throws his fit, but at least he's away from the family and whatever stimulation is bothering him most, namely everything!


What I wouldn't give to know exactly how I can help him! It is beyond frustrating. At times it's heartbreaking. I'm his mother and I should be able to know what he needs and know what to do for him. But this time, Mommy can't just make things right with a sticky bandage and a kiss. It's hard not to feel a little guilty.

Little D's Meltdowns

This morning began alright. Little D woke up at his usual time, just after 6. I had a horrible night with Little Sis, suffice it to say there was crying for hours, sleeping on the floor and midnight diaper changes followed by the rest of the night with her kicking my back. To top off my awful, sleepless night, Daddy was snoring (allergies) and clumsily poking my face in his sleep. You know what’s the best? … waking up to being poked in the eye. I’m used to it with my kids, but I’m new to being poked in the eye by my Husband. Good thing I love him.

Anyway, none of that is what is spawning this morning post. I made pancakes this morning and Little D threw a fit about syrup. First he wanted to eat his syrupy, sticky pancakes at the computer. No. Enter fit. We offer choices usually, but I couldn't think of any. Finally he comes to the table and wants his syrup on his pancakes. ... all of them. He wants the syrup to cover each and every bite, but there's already a puddle on the plate. Enter meltdown. I offer options to get the syrup on each bite, but it's not working. Then he threw a fit over his plate being an inch too close to me. That same meltdown has been going on for almost half an hour with no real sign of stopping. Daddy, bless him, is taking Little D to do laundry so I get a break from the madness. Woo HOO!

Little D’s behavior has been similar to what I just related, or worse for the last 2 to 3 months. Despite the plethora of online parenting advice and tips for 2 and 3-year-olds, there is an appalling lack of advice for parents with children who have developmental problems, special needs or are on the Autism Spectrum. Trust me, I’ve looked. I can find pages and pages about getting counseling, seeking diagnosis and professional help, however the simple day-to-day advice for parents is missing!

Against my better judgment, recently and in the past, I have asked friends and family for advice on how to deal with some of Little D’s less desirable behaviors, (i.e. meltdowns, flip-outs, screaming fits, hitting, punching, pinching, pushing, some of which he does to himself, which is disturbing). I have heard it all from spanking to time-outs, removal of toys and privileges (one person suggested removing his oral stimulation tools, clearly that is ill advised) or creating a star chart and removing stars when he does something unacceptable, or locking him in his room either with a key or with a baby gate.

There is something missing from all of this well-meaning advice, however. That is, these people, no matter how much they care about me or Little D, lack the knowledge that I have. They haven’t read the countless blogs from other Sensory moms, the books from experts, the journal articles, the advice from experts like Occupational Therapists and the like. These people, for all their advice, are ignorant of the fact that Little D isn’t just a normal or “spirited” little boy. He’s my boy. My special, sensory challenged, meltdown prone, special needy, sensational boy.

From now I need to remember, that I am the expert when it comes to Little D. I know more than all of those people; about Little D, about Sensory Processing Disorder, about what is “normal” for Little D or other children. I’m in my senior year of a Child Development degree, for goodness’ sake! I need to give myself a little credit!

I’ll end this post with a word about judgments. Since having Little D, I have learned so much about children and behavior. I don’t judge those moms I see at the store whose kids are screaming bloody murder, flipping around, throwing things. Why? Because half of the time, I’m that mom. Little D has changed my thinking, and I’m so grateful for it. So think twice before you judge a child who is throwing a fit, you never know who that child is, or what that parent is dealing with. Parenting is hard enough. Parenting with special needs children is rewarding, challenging and sometimes it’s enough to make you want to quit.