Stress and Acceptance

While I know it won't be easy to get to where I accept life with little D as it is, I thought it would be easier than this. Today was especially hard for me, and not for any particular reason. Both kids slept well last night and were well behaved all day, so there really is no excuse. Why I feel the need to excuse myself is a mystery. Of course I am going to have days that are easier than others, but I still expect perfection of myself in that I should be strong enough not to cry. I should just be able to accept and move on. That isn't reality though.

I made myself depressed looking at all the online literature on autism. We don't even know yet that that is his problem, which makes my reading about it even more ridiculous.

Sis had a very bad reflux day today. It always makes me wonder if it is something I am eating but then I remind myself how it doesn't make anny difference what I am eating.She just had good days and bad days and there's not much I can do about it except try to keep her dry and clean. Eventually, with time, we have been told she will grow out of it. At least to this point her reflux hasn't stunted her growth. Many babies with reflux don't grow the way they should because they throw up half of what they eat. We have been truly blessed with Sis that she hasn't lost weight.

It's late and I'm exhausted. Bed time for this tired smommy. Here's to hoping tomorrow its better.

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