Timing

It seems that with everything in life, it's all about the timing. I believe that there are several types of timing. Some timing is all about what hour of the day. For instance, my kids nap around 9:30am, noon, and 3:30pm. Little D only takes the noon nap. In any case, I try not to schedule appointments around nap times. I really feel that getting enough sleep is the most important and simple thing you can do for your children. Many children don't have the internal clock set until we set it for them, so you can choose the times close to when they seem like they're losing their cool, and put them to sleep a little before that.

Another type of timing is which day of the week, month, year etc. The farther out you go, the more you have to schedule things around appointments, family events, and work or school schedules. My husband is in school, so that is why I mention school schedules, but your school schedule might be one for your children.

The next type of timing has to do with life in general. For instance, I haven't finished my Bachelor's degree yet, so I have wanted to return to school to finish, but the timing of children, moving and children hasn't cooperated with my desires. Finally I had given up, but shortly after my daughter was born I decided it was time to revisit the idea. The timing was finally right. We had two kids down and no future pregnancy planned, so it seemed like the right time. I was concerned, of course, that going back to school was going to take me away from home too much, so I decided to take my classes online. Usually I would be against online colleges because too often they seem like they're just trying to take your money and you'll end up with a mediocre job with minimum pay. However, I found a really good online university that offers accredited degrees, which eased my mind. I'm finishing my degree because I want to know more about child development (my major is child development and family studies) and if I eventually get a job in that field I will be happy about it. Of course, if I choose not to work, I'm okay with that too, because I will feel good having accomplished a long-term goal.

Back to timing. The frustrating part about starting Little D's therapy at this age, is that there are too many unanswered questions, which will be answered in a year or two when he has caught up to some certain developmental milestones. The biggest question hanging out there is also the scariest one for me. "Could this be something more serious?" I try not to let it bother me, but I do have a hard time, especially while reading things that seem to change my opinion about what may be wrong with Little D. I'm reading a really great book right now on Sensory Processing Disorders called Sensational Kids: Hope and Help for Children with Sensory Processing Disorder by Dr. Jane Miller. In the book she talks about getting a diagnosis and the long road it can sometimes be. I guess my fear is, the new pediatrician either won't be familiar with or won't 'believe' in SPD and we'll have to fight to get Little D the care he needs. The author also talks about how other medical conditions should be eliminated before a diagnosis of SPD is given. That scares me too, because that might confirm my worst fears. If it's just an SPD then it's treatable and he can have a full life with little to no complications or issues other than from normal life circumstances. If it's something else, what will become of him? Will treatment be possible? Will it be painful? And worst of all, what other issues may be lurking just beneath the surface, biding their time to show their ugly heads? I can hardly bear the thought, so I try not to have it very often. That's why I'm putting it here. I'm hoping that on some level, if I've said it "out loud," I'll be able to let it go.

So, we wait. And while we're waiting for insurance to approve speech therapy and the early intervention place to approve an occupational therapy evaluation, AND while we wait for the two pediatric appointments we have lined up, I worry. I worry that my son, however smart and handsome he may be now, is about to disappear. I worry that if the disconnect in his brain runs deeper, that somewhere along the way he will deteriorate to the point that his personality isn't HIS anymore. As I'm worrying about this, I wonder if I'm being completely ridiculous. There is a great possibility that I am, as I have done so before. The worst part of being a parent is waiting. Waiting for doctor visits when your child is sick, either with a cold turned bacterial infection, or something more serious, like recurring infections. Waiting for evaluation appointments when your child has a significant delay. Waiting for them to call your name over the loud speaker while your baby is back in surgery. Waiting for the letter or phone call that will tell you the news of what implications your child's delay has on his life. Waiting isn't glamorous, and it isn't at all easy. My hope is that it is, at the very least, worth it.